this is pretty and trashy


*I'm not ashamed to admit I have strange tastebuds. They've been developed over the years, and some of my tastes have changed and evolved but there are a few "quirks" that have remained the same ("quirks" is a euphemism):

**I can't stand the the idea of raw fruit touching each other. It sounds weird, but I have always been averse to mixed fruit. I don't like it when the flavors of fruit mix. The only acceptable combination is honeydew with canteloupe.

**In fact, I prefer all of my fruit whole. Please do not cut it for me. Or do anything to it for that matter. I will only eat fruit in its raw state (mostly). I have never in my life eaten any kind of fruit pie or fruit cobbler or fruit crumble. No, I have not eaten apple pie or blueberry pie and do not plan to any time soon. I tried jam for the first time two years ago. Before that I would only eat orange marmalade.

*Ok, maybe "strange" was an understatement.

**I can eat 100% dark chocolate and I love it.

**I don't have much of a sweet tooth for typical desserts, such as cakes and ice creams and trifles and what not. I would much rather eat chocolate.

**Speaking of chocolate, a very dense flourless chocolate cake or torte is acceptable. Birthday cake is not. Birthday cake with fruit in it is abhorrent (I've never eaten this either. Maybe I'm a food bigot. I'll take it). Birthday cake frosting is equally abhorrent (I hated this as a child too - this was not an evolved taste by any means). As is whipped cream. As is marzipan. As is any kind of fluffy angel cake. I only like the densest, fudgiest cakes. Which are not really cakes actually. I don't like cakes.

*Have I written enough blasphemy yet?

**And let's talk about cookies. I've never liked cookie dough, and I'd much rather have a biscuit or buttery shortbread than a chocolate chip cookie. Like Italian frollini or biscotti or English tea biscuits. Am I American? Maybe not.

*I could probably go on forever, but I will pause the shock and awe for now. Of course, all that being said, it means that people are usually happy to share with me, because I usually like what other people don't like (the orange and yellow starbursts) and they like what I don't.

*And luckily most people like cookie dough and chocolate chip cookies (or variations of such), otherwise these pretty little cookie dough truffles and these trashy cookies wouldn't fly.

*But they did, and they were good. Even I thought they were good. Now that's saying something.

(I baked these for a friend's wedding dessert bar as seen above in the first picture)


Pretty Little Cookie Dough Truffles
Makes 40-45 small truffles
(Adapted from The Food Network)

1/2 cup butter, softened (I microwave cold butter for about 20 seconds)
3/4 cup packed brown sugar (do not use white; you need the moisture of brown)
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 (14-oz) can sweetened condensed milk
2 cups all-purpose flour
3/4 cup mini-chocolate chips

11 oz white chocolate chips
1/4 cup neutral-flavored oil
1/2 cup assorted sprinkles

1. Cream butter and sugar together until smooth (I did this by hand because I like love creaming butter and sugar together manually - sounds like a pain and it is, but I like it; if you don't, use a stand mixer).
2. Add vanilla. Mix well.
3. Gradually add condensed milk, stirring well as you go. Then add flour, 1/2 cup at a time. Stir well until mixture reaches a dough-like consistency.


4. Add chocolate chips. Mix into dough until chocolate chips are well-dispersed.
5. Line multiple baking sheets with parchment or wax paper. Roll the cookie dough into balls (about 1.5-2 inches in diameter), using extra flour to prevent stickiness if necessary.


6. Place baking sheets in freezer for at least 2 hours.
7. After two hours, bring water to a boil in a double boiler set up. Pour white chocolate chips into the double boiler and turn down heat to low. Continuously stir as the chocolate chips melt. Slowly drizzle in oil while stirring.
8. Using chopsticks or tongs, dip each frozen cookie dough ball into the white chocolate, covering only half of the dough ball; then immediately dip into sprinkles (which should be in a bowl on a plate for easy dipping). Place back onto paper-lined baking sheets. After dipping entire batch, put baking sheets back into freezer and let set for at least 30 minutes before serving.


Natalie’s Trashy Cookies
Makes 40 small cookies or 20-30 medium-sized cookies
(inspired by Momofuku's compost cookies, adapted from here)

3/4 cup butter (1.5 sticks)
3/4 cup dark brown sugar
1/4 cup white granulated sugar
2 Tbsp instant coffee (I HIGHLY recommend Trader Joe’s brand)

1 egg
1 Tbsp vanilla

1 cup oatmeal
1 cup all purpose flour
1 tsp baking soda
3/4 cup crushed potato chips
1/2 cup crushed pretzels
1/2 cup chocolate chips
1/2 cup crushed oreos
1/2 cup crushed butterfingers

1. Preheat Oven to 350 degrees.
2. Cream together butter, sugars, and coffee.


3. Whisk together egg and vanilla separately; then add this liquid mixture to the butter-sugar mixture. Mix well.
4. In large bowl, combine the oatmeal, flour, and baking soda, and then stir in the add-ins until evenly distributed.
5. Combine wet and dry batters. Mix well.


6. At this point, you can either chill the batter for about 2-4 hours OR you can go ahead and roll the dough into balls (about 1-2 Tbsp depending on the size of cookie you desire). If you choose to roll the dough into balls immediately, place on greased cookie sheet and freeze for 2 hours. Otherwise, chill first and then roll into balls.


7. Bake at 350 for 10-12 minutes (10 minutes for chewier cookies, 12 minutes for crispier cookies). (Note: if you look into the oven (like I do) a few minutes into baking, your cookies might look like Frosty the Melting Snowman but don’t worry, they will come out looking fine).
8. Let cool for 10-20 minutes before serving!



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