this is a january index

This is what has passed so far in January:

January was a month of soup:

Mixed messages
Sometimes soup alone. Sometimes soup with friends. Once soup with confessions. Five times soup with beans and vegetables.

 I cooked:
*tofu scramble with sweet peppers, mushrooms, onions
*garlicky nettle hummus with preserved lemons & toasted pepitas
*baked oatmeal with pecans & pumpkin seeds
*adzuki bean & vegetable miso soup
*roasted miso brussel sprouts
*burnt chocolate granola (see below)

...which I shamelessly ate, and also gave away to friends. 

I checked out 6 books from the library.
I spilled my gum in my purse 4 times.
I knocked powder sugar onto someone's shoe 1 time.
I listened to Lauryn Hill MTV Unplugged 4 times.
I hosted tea time and went to tea time.

I dined al fresco once.

I transcribed these things in my journal:
"The heart in its plenty hammered by rain and need, by the weight of what momentarily is" (JACK GILBERT)

"The spirit dances, comes and goes / But the soul is nailed to us like lentils and fatty bacon lodged under the ribs" (JACK GILBERT)

"I trust nothing especially myself and slide head first into the familiar abyss of doubt and humiliation ... then I realize it doesn't matter, words are always a gamble, words are splinters from cut glass. I write because it is dangerous, a bloody risk, like love, to form the words to say the words, to touch the source, to be touched, to reveal how vulnerable we are, how transient." (TERRY TEMPEST WILLIAMS)

"the love song is the light of God, deep down, blasting through our wounds" (NICK CAVE)

"Oh Jerusalem, wash thy heart from wickedness / that thou mayest be saved from thy deception / how long, shall thy face those lies within thee. Oh jerusalem, keeping them from perfection" (LAURYN HILL)

"I do not know You God because I am in the way. Please help me to push myself aside." (FLANNERY O'CONNOR)

"You have to be sure that all the time and pains you spend in the world are expended on the things that belong to eternity." (???)

"the pulverizingly tedious self-absorption loss wraps you in" (HILTON ALS)

"Would I have to eventually mourn this memory on lower Broadway, his scratchy-sounding duster, and should we travel to Amsterdam together, him and entire country? His existence was too much." (HILTON ALS)

I made 2 jars of this tonic: lemon-ginger-turmeric-echinachea-orange juice-peppercorns-licorice-slippery elm.

I saw American Hustle and August: Osage County.
I read at least 30 Jack Gilbert poems.

I found the perfect birthday card for my dad.

We celebrated his birthday with Sri Lankan food.

I deleted Instagram from my phone to slow down my brain and decrease mindless use of technology.

I drank a lot of sparkling water and many tiny sips of beer. 

I discovered my favorite beer, which I would drink if I could be hophead without getting hives and a headache.

I wrote many gratitude lists, which have so refined the clarity and gravity of abundance in this life.

Tender mornings.

Tender hearts.

Housewarming meals.

Heart-opening conversations.

Coffee made by friends.

Making do.

Breakfast with friends.

Homegrown humor.

Synonym published a piece I wrote about waiting.

San Francisco continues to be my favorite city in the world... Despite the severe drought, I am loving this non-winter.

January, you've been good to me!

The possibilities.

january wedding / dink's song / step / oh jerusalem / my broken heart


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